I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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