If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
