Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
