I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
