I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize