Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
