its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
