I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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