when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
