By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
