Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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