stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
