Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
