So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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