Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
