i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
