Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
