i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this boner is exhausting
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
