It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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