The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
