the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You pole danced in your parka.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
