i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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