My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
