We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
