I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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