The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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