Having a random hookup so left but love u
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
