if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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