i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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