I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So much Jack, so little girl.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
