we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
