Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
