They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
