I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
