I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
