They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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