Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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