Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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