I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize