I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize