I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
