You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize