ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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