Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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