Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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