am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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