i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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