I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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