the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
