So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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