I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize