Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
