dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
