we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
