Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
