i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
