Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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