My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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