Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
