Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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