yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize