Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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