While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Randomize