He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
