A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
