A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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