Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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