Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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