So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
