I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
