Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can I color on your dick again?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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