Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
