when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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