I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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