things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
