I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
