so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
