we have officially lost it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
