Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
