I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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