i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
