lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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