is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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