conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
