zippers are such a cool invention
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A+ Viking dick
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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