I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
